Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
