Im at strip club and am horny
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
