turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
