His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
