Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
And then he peed in my hair
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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