She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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