I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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