my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
