I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
