So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
