i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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