Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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