Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I love you. Go after that dick
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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