i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
