just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
