Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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