I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
