Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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