we're chasing vodka with high fives
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
