I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
