I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
