why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
