You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
