Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
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