My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
