i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
