i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
