so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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