Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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