Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
