I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
