I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
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With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
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She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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