If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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