Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
