Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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