And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You were trust falling into bushes
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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