Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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