Plan B is the new Plan A
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
