I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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