All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I checked into jail on foursquare
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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