you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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