yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
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I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
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His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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