i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Everything about him screamed your future.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
