You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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