Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
