Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
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I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
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I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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