I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
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I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
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She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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