I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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