wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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