dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
