Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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