Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
pray to the hookup gods
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
