oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
