Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
